It's so common place. I've been fat-shamed several times, some of it when working out. That seems like the most pointless thing ever. Hello! I'm here, sweating my butt off, clearly working out and doing something about my weight problem and you choose this moment to point out I'm overweight?
At 300+lbs, I don't need you to tell me I'm fat. I KNOW I'm fat. I'd have to be pretty stupid to not see it. Honestly this isn't the point where the damage was done. High school, when I was 190lbs, that's when the damage happened. All those hormones, self conscious as hell and I'm hearing catty girls in my classes comment about how fat I am, guys calling me Big Red (a name that drove me to 3 suicidal idealization episodes in high school). I felt enormous. I thought "What's the point in even trying anymore? I'm the fattest person ever" I stopped eating lunch, except for 2 Cokes to get me through my afternoon classes, I wasn't eating breakfast either, and then dinner was usually take out, or some sort of ready cooked pre-packaged meal. Totally not healthy for a 16 year old.
All of this, plus several types of medication, and developing a lifestyle that was mostly sedentary have lead to now. Call me fat. It's accurate. I can take it. I've developed the defense mechanisms. I'm working on it, which is more than most people can say. After 5 years of faking it til I make it, I sort of have some sense of self esteem. Maybe this all would have been easier, unnecessary if there hadn't been so much fat shaming in my schooling years, but realistically it's just one part of the problem. I'll probably figure out the rest of it, far too late, but better late than never.
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